Digital Fire
A podcast where we have listeners and Redditors write in their worst and best dating stories. We roast, laugh, and give them advice.
Digital Fire
#17 The Worlds Dumbest Relationship Mystery
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Caleb and Stefan tackle three stories this week each progressively getting weirder and worse. From boyfriends who make box forts to possible furry girlfriend. Tune in and decide for yourself. oh
Send your stories to Digitalfirepodcast@gmail.com
You can now send fan mail through the link. You can use this for fan service or to write or even call in your stories.
Follow Stefan on twitch: https://m.twitch.tv/stefmastr_gaming?desktop-redirect=true
Welcome back, everybody, to the Digital Fire podcast. Before we start, we always have to crack a cold one with the boys.
SPEAKER_03Not quite in sync, because Stefan has a can. I have a bottle. That's true. I have my signature Arizona black and white iced tea. And Caleb, what do you have today?
SPEAKER_00I've actually switched this week to Diet Coke. Needed a little bit of that uh caffeine boost. Arizona just doesn't have enough.
SPEAKER_03I love it. Oh, that's what I forgot to get again at the store is the spicy one. I just it never looks appealing to me. It just doesn't. I bet it'd be really good though. It probably is. And I'm just like, I just again, it's the imagery of like it shows flames and stuff, and it says green tea or watermelon. And I'm like, nah, it doesn't sound great. But it's whatever. I mean, they still sell it, so somebody's somebody's buying it. I know. I think I'm trying to think. I think that's the only three. They have like watermelon, they have the green tea, and I think they have what is I think the mango one is also spicy.
SPEAKER_00The watermelon. Ooh, the mango would be good too, but the watermelon sounds good.
SPEAKER_03I know. I was gonna say the green tea, probably not, but like the watermelon and the mango might actually hit. Might be pretty good and worth trying sometime, if I ever get the courage. At this point, I'd rather ask out a woman than get spicy tea. Really? I'd rather I get the spicy tea. Yeah, then ask out a woman. Yeah, nowadays. Good lord.
SPEAKER_00Oh man. With all the winning options we have.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Um women out there.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00Not saying they're all bad. Don't take that for what I said, everyone.
SPEAKER_03No, some of them are crazy. Oh, funny story. So today at work, uh, I call her scrunchie at work. Um, she and I, we were like putting away parts and stuff like that, and she just randomly starts singing opera.
SPEAKER_04Like she's like, the fatum of the opera is there.
SPEAKER_03That was horrible. Did it sound better than that? It sounded 10 times better than that. But she'll just start randomly doing crap like that, and then she'll like look at me if like a part drops, and she'll like get like really sad. Like she like dropped it on herself, and I'm like, what happened? And she's like, I dropped it. And I'm like, okay, pick it up. Like no, but she's a good coworker though. So I just we like we make fun of each other all the time. It's pretty great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you just you followed that story with women are crazy.
SPEAKER_03I know, but it's just like it's random because like you don't see a guy sing an opera, and you don't see a guy make a puppy dog eyes when he drops a part or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I haven't seen the puppy dog eyes from a guy, but I do know men who sing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I've got a coworker guy who is Does he sing? Yes. Very high-pitched voice. Ooh.
SPEAKER_03And uh Is he does he sing like Beyonce or Whitney Houston? Sometimes. Really?
SPEAKER_00Not as well, but but good enough. Yeah, it's like that or uh Maroon 5 songs.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay. Yeah, I gotcha. Hey, I mean, hey, if you can sing and get away with it, I can only sing. This is gonna sound bad. Uh, I can sing when I'm drunk. Stefan. And not in the way that everybody's like, oh yeah, of course, everybody can sing when they're drunk. Like that. No, when I was at Annika's wedding, my sister, um, she had a like a karaoke thing like outside, and there was like a hundred plus people out because she had a huge like wedding where there was like over 250 people or whatever, and they were playing Journeys Don't Stop Believing, the classic, you know, and I just sang it by myself. It's on video too, and people were like, dude, you hit that high note like perfect. I gotta see if Annika can like send it to me or something like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I gotta see it, dude.
SPEAKER_03It's great. Even my my brother John and like his buddies that were there too were just like, Oh my god, like this guy can actually sing. And I'm like, apparently, all I needed was a few shots in me, and then it was good.
SPEAKER_00Well, you gotta get there without that.
SPEAKER_03I know, and then Simon Cowell can interview me and be like, What the heck was that?
SPEAKER_00That's so long ago. He's too nice now.
SPEAKER_03American Idol. Or no, he's on Britain's Got Talent now, yeah, or something. Yeah, and now they have the voice, which is like the newer American Idol, because I guess American Idol just didn't sound great anymore than they were.
SPEAKER_00Well, American Idol still exists. Oh, does it? Yeah, I'm surprised people still watch it. Let me let me double check. I'm gonna double check while we're listening.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because I was sitting there and I was like, I'm pretty sure the voice replaced it, but I'm like, if it's still going, I'm like, good lord. Because the voice is pretty good. There was a guy that did uh what's the song from the jungle boat? He goes, Oh, ooh, I wanna be like you. Like he sings it so good, and I'm like, oh my god, like this guy, he's nailing it. Like, where was he at Disney Productions?
SPEAKER_04I wanna be like you, I wanna walk like you, talk like you, too. You'll see it's true.
SPEAKER_03There you go. Little sing along for the podcast.
SPEAKER_00There you go. That was fun.
SPEAKER_03What what is what does your research say today, Professor Caleb?
SPEAKER_00American Idol is still on. It did go on a hiatus, however you say that. Oh, like a break or something. Yeah, for two years.
SPEAKER_03My voice cracked. 33 years old, voice still cracks.
SPEAKER_00Voice crack, of course. Um it went it aired from 2002 to 2016 for 15 seasons, and then it was on a break until March 2018, and now it's still going. Holy crap! I don't think people really pay attention to it anymore. It's so staged, and I'm sure back then it was kind of staged, but now it's like you're more believable that it's staged at this point. Yeah. And nowadays, even with like American America's got talent and everything, you have to have like actual talent, like a sad story.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like oh my my my cat like lost a leg in Vietnam or something, and even though somehow the cat's still alive from 1972. Yeah, oh man. There was uh one guy I remember, um, what he did is he was singing or something, and they all gave him the red X, and Demi Lovato was one of the judges there with Simon Cowell, and she was like, Yeah, you know, some people are born to like sing and others aren't, and you're one of them. And then he goes, That's why you use auto tune and I don't.
SPEAKER_00And I'm oh I remember seeing a short clip of that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was like, Holy crap, my guy! Like, and then even Simon Cowell, like he had to like cut like cover his mouth from doing a spit take with his drink because he was like, That's true. I'm like, that's and then he got he got escorted off the stage by security too. I'm like, that's crazy. I'm like, I love that though, because Demi Lovato, I don't care for her. She she changed ever since like Disney or whatever.
SPEAKER_00I don't think a lot of people care for her anymore. She's kind of she's kind of like whatever, she's kind of washed up at this point.
SPEAKER_03Most of these like Disney stars are washed up nowadays. Like, I still don't mind Selena Gomez. Like, she's pretty cool. Um, the only thing I don't care for with Arneana Grande, though, is the fact that she's like a twig. She's super skinny, like almost what do you call it, bulimic.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, or anorexic. One of those. Yeah, anorexic. Not healthy weight.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, not healthy weight or whatever. And because she looked good before when she did like seven rings. Like, she actually had meat on her.
SPEAKER_06Like, she wasn't fat by all means, but you know Seven Rings, the song Seven Rings, like Man, I do not know her music at all. It's like, you want it? I got it. I bought it. Gee, thanks. Just bought it.
SPEAKER_03Like that's one of the lyrics or whatever. But she uh yeah, she used to look really good. Nowadays, I'm just like, what are you? Like, are you one of the trees that became sentient outside? Like, because she's got like twig branch like arms that like it looks like if a breeze just came by, it'd like just snap. I'm like, poor girl. But she also played really good uh Glinda in Wicked, because they just made that movie recently or whatever. I think it was last year.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I haven't seen that. You've seen that movie.
SPEAKER_03I've I've seen the Broadway production, and then but I've seen parts of the movie, but I'm like, she from the parts that I've seen, I'm like, she's actually really good. Like it actually is like a really good movie, like a really good adaptation from the musical.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Because I saw the musical twice because one was banned back in I think sixth grade, and then the other one was with uh Nick and uh his mom because uh she won a trip through farmers insurance or whatever, and they paid for like the hotel and everything like else like that to go see the musical.
SPEAKER_00So we saw talking about Nick who played the French horn. Yes, that Nick.
SPEAKER_03Nick French horn. Yes. Don't need another docking session.
SPEAKER_00Okay, I didn't know you guys were close like that.
SPEAKER_03We yeah, we were really close because we both had like the interest in band and then music and and then uh video games, like with video editing, because he actually posted a couple of videos of me playing Super Smash Brothers, and then he had like all the newest games because he was the only child in the family. He basically got whatever he wanted. Um yeah, and then his uh dad died uh like a while ago, and I met his dad like twice or three times, and he was really he was really cool. We went skate shooting with him. Like I shot my first gun like with his dad. And um, yeah, and then I think he lives, I think oh no, yeah, he's a teacher in Japan. He teaches uh English and then he has his pilot's license and everything like that. So he like has his own plane and stuff that he bought because he I don't know what he does or what he did, but he saved like all of his money. He got his pilot's license, and then he bought like a a little private jet, like a small one, and so then he just flies from Japan to like America and everything like that.
SPEAKER_00Did you still talk to him?
SPEAKER_03No, I I've talked to his mom though, but um, he doesn't have Facebook or anything like that because he he married um oh what's her name? It wasn't Janishka. Um someone from our school? Yeah, someone from our school. I don't think you you were like there at the tail end when you knew them. Um Jacqueline, I think her name was. She was like a Hispanic chick, and uh they got married and then divorced or something like that, because whatever happened happened. I don't remember the reason, but um, yeah, now he's just a teacher, and I think he found somebody new who's like Japanese over there that like really likes him. And yeah, he just teaches English and stuff like that over there, and he gets paid pretty good. So I'm like, dang, dude. Guy's living it up.
SPEAKER_00He is now since we're on the topic of divorce and relationships.
SPEAKER_03I you know what I think it's time to do, Caleb. I think it's time to jump in.
SPEAKER_00Never gets old. All right, this is the first one. First story's a little short. Not everybody gives us the in-depth things that we need and want to make it more funny, but that's okay. It's just hi Caleb, hi Stefan.
SPEAKER_03That's it.
SPEAKER_00I'm having issues with my girlfriend. Help me. My fiance gets together with his friends to build cardboard box forts. The title is obvious, but I do find it strange that most weekends or at least one day of the weekend, my fiance gets together with his friends to build cardboard slash pillow forts. I'm down for him to do it, and I would never want to take that away from him. But just the other week I was trying to plan a dinner out as something special and out of the blue, but he had to inform me that he's got his thing this weekend and puts off what we are supposed to do. Granted, he had these plans first most of the time, but why is this more important? Am I unreasonable?
SPEAKER_03First of all, how big are these forts? Like, I want to or how intricate or intricate in uh wow, how detailed are they? I'm just gonna say that. Intricate. Yeah, that word, yeah. Apparently, big words are not my thing today. But yeah, I'm like, bro, does he have like a drawbridge or does he have like a guard castle with like bows and arrows up top?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I want to see an adult cardboard box for it.
SPEAKER_03Could you imagine? There's some like people out there that like make a whole castle or whatever, and it's just like cool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, or if he works at because if I took all the cardboard boxes from my work, I could make a sick fort. Right? Maybe I should do that to this apartment.
SPEAKER_03Just make one big like fort. That would be kind of fun. That would be, yeah, because again, there's just too many creative people out there, and they're just like, I don't they, I don't know, like, but that is kind of funny that he's just like, we have our thing. And then just imagine, like, she like invites guests over, and he's like, What's the password? You can come in if you know the password, and then he's like consulting with the other people in there that he's like doing stuff with, and he's like, All right, you may enter drawbridge. It's like a whole society in there. Like, it looks like the town in Harry Potter. Like, as soon as you get in. As soon as you get in, he's like, Oh my god. That'd be fun. That would be now. I really want to make one. Honestly, I think the last time we made one was I'm trying to think of what house it was when I was whoa, what was that? What was that? That was scary. I think the last time I did like a pillow or box for it was oh, what house was it when I was a mere child? Um a mere child 20 years ago. In 1906. Um I think it had to have been it wasn't Gerald Street. Uh, obviously, because I was like in my 20s at that point. Um Gerald Street. Oh yeah. Was that the that was the one where we had like the bonfires outside and stuff like that at my mom's homeplace? It was by Cheney Street.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_03Um, I would say it was maybe probably oh, Penn Street, the one I currently live nearby. So that one with the weird octopus furnace in the basement. That was like, I think the house was built in the early 1800s or something like that.
SPEAKER_00I do remember the octopus.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because it had bats in there and everything that got out, and everybody was like terrified. Well, yeah, and then the dog Sam that we had at the time, she just she was used to every animal. Like, because where we picked her up was at my mom's friend Sheila's place, and um she gave birth to like a litter of puppies when they found her because I guess she was pregnant, and then when we got her at some point, she gave pup uh gave puppies, gave birth to puppies again, and then one of the dogs became a police dog. Um, and his name was Stanley, so we got to see him a couple times before he like did his own thing, but to give jump scare. I know jump scare.
SPEAKER_00Um, I guess on the side note for her to be like, what is Yeah, because right now it seems like we saw we're siding with the guy because like that's I know because it does sound fun.
SPEAKER_03Like, where's my invite? Um, yeah, I don't know. Like, I guess depending on whatever thing you guys are like planning, like I guess if it's a dinner date with like the parents or something like that, or if it's like if it's just like a group of friends, like yeah, see, this is where like them calling would help. That would be kind of cool, like get a live like call or even a voicemail, just like explaining.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because we don't have all the details, like what kind of special what a special dinner mean.
SPEAKER_03You heard that, folks. Give us a call right now. Yes, we can set it up at 1-800 Digital Fire Podcast. That's 1-800 Digital Fire Podcast. Thank you for tuning in. Good evening, good night.
SPEAKER_00Pretty sure by law, I can have to say that that number actually won't do anything. Yeah, it actually doesn't. But if you email us, we can always set it up. Um, or message us on the the send us a text message thingy. Anyway, back to the the fort, the fortnight guy. The fortnight guy.
SPEAKER_03Um, yeah, I would I would probably say just depending on the occasion, like if it's just like a normal hangout thing, or you're just like, hey, I'm like, I'm gonna go hang out with some friends and they're mostly girls, but like, do you want to go? And it's like, no, we have to fight or we have to defend the castle from the dragon. He's like referring to her as the dragon. Um, yeah, so I would say with him, like it's like, okay, again, if it's the parents or something like important, yeah, or even once in a while, just be like, okay, guys, I can't build a fort today. You know, I'm gonna go hang out with my girlfriend, like reserve like maybe two, three days a month, you know, to actually like be okay, we're gonna go out and hang out and do something together, and then the rest of the time, like you can do your little pillow fort or your cardboard box for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, because I I kind of want to see what these look like too. The way that she's making them sound, it's like she's jealous that she can't make something is great. So it's like, yeah, it's really tacky. And then all of a sudden we get there. Whoa. That would be kind of cool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that would be kind of cool. I want an invite. Get him a get him an invite if you're listening to this episode. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03And then we'll be the judge. Maybe we'll side with you if you get us an invite. Yeah. And then that way we'll turn the tables for you. And then it will win your side, and then he'll have to destroy everything. For the kingdom.
SPEAKER_00For the kingdom. All it has to be is some type of compromise. Right. That's it. And now we're on number two.
SPEAKER_03Yes. I didn't know if you were ready yet or not. Yeah, I'm trying to make sure that uh I can't get enough of that black and white Arizona tea. I'm telling you, it just hits different. And it's been a minute since I had one. I think it sounds like it's been a minute, like a long time. But like the last time that I was over here and we did a podcast, I had one and I was like, oh, it's so good. And then I here I am. I got like four more in the fridge.
SPEAKER_00Hey, if you like them.
SPEAKER_03Dude, they're good. Just absolute silence. All right.
SPEAKER_00Hey everyone. Hey, I have what my friends are calling the world's dumbest relationship mystery. Uh oh. But it's been driving me crazy for months, and I need someone to tell me if I'm reading into this too much. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. He's honestly great, super thoughtful, funny, remembers tiny details about me, and has never given me a reason not to trust him, except for one thing. Bum bum bum. He absolutely refuses to tell me what he does every Tuesday night.
SPEAKER_03That just sounds like a murder mystery right there. Don't worry about what happens in the basement. It's none of your business. Like that kind of crap.
SPEAKER_00Now, before everyone jumps to conclusions, Stefan. Here's the important part. He doesn't disappear, he doesn't turn his phone off, he doesn't act sketchy, he just has something on his calendar every Tuesday from about six to nine.
SPEAKER_03Maybe it's the fort. Maybe it's the fort guy. It's like one of the Tuesday nights or Fortnite.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's trying to get uh trying to get another day in there, so he just like doesn't tell her.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because it's like obviously if it's not sketchy enough, you know, he's just going to go play Fortnite with the boys.
SPEAKER_00And whenever I ask what it is, he smiles and says, It's just my Tuesday thing. That's it. My Tuesday thing. At first, I didn't care because everyone deserves hobbies. Then a few months went by, then six months. Now we're over a year into dating, and I still don't know what this mystery Tuesday thing is. Okay. A year in? Yeah, that's great. Still don't know.
SPEAKER_03I would even have drawn the line at six months at that point. Yeah, for real. Yeah. Because six months is like more of a serious relationship line. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like three months is still kind of funny. It's like, okay, I don't know what it is, but like six months to a year, it's like, okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like, okay, how long is a secret gonna be a thing, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because you shouldn't have secrets in a relationship. Everybody knows that. Right. I've tried asking directly. I'll tell you eventually, he says. I've joked about it. You'll probably laugh, he answers. I've guessed nope. I've even asked if something if it's something embarrassing. He just grinned and said, kind of. You just grinned? Maybe this is like This is definitely a murder. Or maybe it's um Maybelline.
SPEAKER_03Maybe it's Maybelline.
SPEAKER_00Maybe like the guy who Does the cardboard box forts? Maybe it's his friend.
SPEAKER_03Maybe.
SPEAKER_00But but then again, he this is a she says it's on Tuesday, and the other guy did it on weekend, so but what if they had to switch it up? Yeah, like a different, like maybe it's a different, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You never know. Fortnite could be any night.
SPEAKER_00You do never know. Hey, that's a cool name, Fortnite.
SPEAKER_03I get it. Did you know the name Fortnite actually means two weeks? Whoa.
SPEAKER_00No, I didn't.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you actually didn't? No, I did. Oh.
SPEAKER_00We'll get it done in a fortnight.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, because that was like the old English term. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00We'll get it done in a fortnight. Which I wonder where that even comes from.
SPEAKER_03Probably medieval times. It sounds like a medieval time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because like what it's gotta be some type of like fort probably means something, and night probably means something in like old English or something. Right. Here's why my imagination has gotten completely out of control. Every Tuesday he leaves wearing clothes that he absolutely does not wear any other day.
SPEAKER_03Murder.
SPEAKER_00Cargo pants. Yeah, that's what it's sounding like.
SPEAKER_03Because like, why are you gonna wear clothes that you like and then just because it would be more conspicuous? Like, or you'd be questioning stuff of like, uh, hey, where's that flannel you like wearing? It's like, oh, I lost it. And then it's like really part of like a crime scene or something like that. Like, yeah, I'd be wearing clothes too that are different if something like that was going down, but still, that just it really does. It just sounds like he's like murdering or something like that. He's the axe murderer from like night.
SPEAKER_00A plain black t-shirt, yeah. Cargo pants, a black, plain black t-shirt, comfortable hiking boots.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's a hundred percent a killer.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he always brings a backpack, sometimes work gloves. Oh, yeah. Yeah, come on, girl, you don't know.
SPEAKER_03He sometimes brings a shotgun and an axe. Like it's just like, I don't know what he's doing.
SPEAKER_00Maybe he's hunting, but he doesn't have a hunting license or anything, and never comes home with any food. One time I swear I saw safety goggles sticking out of it. Oh my god. Another time there was what looked like PVC pipe. Another week there was a five-gallon bucket.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. He's hiding a body in there. That is crazy.
SPEAKER_00This is not real. I don't believe this person. And then she puts in all caps a bucket.
SPEAKER_03A bucket?
SPEAKER_00I've stopped trying to guess because every clue somehow makes less sense than the last one. I've considered that maybe he's volunteering somewhere.
SPEAKER_03Maybe for Ted Bundy's convention? Like what?
SPEAKER_00Maybe he builds houses, maybe he does community gardening, maybe he teaches a class. But if it's something wholesome, why keep it a secret? One of my co-worker, maybe he teaches a class with all that on.
SPEAKER_03I can kind of see the gardening, but like what are you doing that involves gardening with safety goggles and whatever? That's fair. And a five-gallon bucket. Like, that's insane. That's huge.
SPEAKER_00I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I want this guy. I'm not. I don't want this guy to be a killer. I don't want another killer out there. I know.
SPEAKER_03But it's at the same time, it's like it's evident. Hiking boots, clothes that he doesn't like, goggles, a backpack, a five-gallon bucket, and then he doesn't have a hunting license or anything like that. And he's like, Don't worry about it. Is it embarrassing? And then gives the creepy grin. Like, excuse me? Is John Wayne Gacy in the room with us? Like, what the heck? Maybe it. Maybe. No. Maybe he is. Maybe you're him. I'm John Wayne Gacy. Yeah. I'm Bubble the Clown.
SPEAKER_00Uh, but if it's something wholesome, why keep it a secret? One of my coworkers became convinced he was secretly preparing for the apocalypse. Another thinks he's part of some underground fight club. My brother is somehow convinced he's playing paintball. My mom thinks he's taking pottery classes.
SPEAKER_03Why are you gonna need all that for pottery? Why are you gonna need that all for pottery? That is crazy. The mom's trying to even not be convinced that he's a murderer at this point.
SPEAKER_00I wonder what the dad thinks. He's gotta have some concerns. She told her her dad.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel like, because moms are always gonna try to like beat her on the bush. Yeah, and be nice about it. But dad's gonna be like, yeah, he's a murder. Yeah, yeah. He's not marrying you.
SPEAKER_03He's not marrying you, he's murdering you at some point.
SPEAKER_00My mom thinks he's taking a pottery class. I genuinely I genuinely don't know anymore. The weirdest part is that he'll occasionally come back looking absolutely exhausted, but also ridiculously happy.
SPEAKER_04That no.
SPEAKER_00Okay, this next line. One Tuesday he came home covered in what looked like fake blood. This is dumb. I I don't believe this story for a second.
SPEAKER_03I can't. Oh gosh. It's just I knew it. I called it the very minute that he goes, he has something on Tuesday. And then just picked up on context clues.
SPEAKER_00But why does she say fake blood?
SPEAKER_03Maybe she works at the haunt. Like she's just used to like this like thing of just fake spewed blood or something like that.
SPEAKER_00Maybe he works at the haunt on Tuesday nights and he doesn't want to let her know because maybe he's like, maybe, maybe she goes to it and or maybe he's got a better frog voice than what I did.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh. I wish I could do that again just in spite because I would 100% every year go work at the haunt.
SPEAKER_00I know I miss it.
SPEAKER_03I do too. I really do. I probably have videos probably on YouTube still of like me doing the frog voice somewhere. I know on your old channel, the what was it? Kid Cool, that one. Yeah. I was like, that one definitely has like videos of me doing it. Because there was like the how to break into somebody's apartment. It was just us trying to turn the door to your what your sister's bedroom door.
SPEAKER_00No key. I guess we can't.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then John comes out with like a BB gun shotgun, and then he's like, hey, get out of here. And then I go right in the corner.
SPEAKER_05Oh man. Good times. Good times.
SPEAKER_03So what is she wondering if we should call 911 for her? Like what?
SPEAKER_00She hasn't said yet because she's still going. Oh, she's still going? Alright. One Tuesday he came home covered in what looked like fake blood. He immediately said, I can explain. I said, Please do. Could you imagine side note?
SPEAKER_04You know the SpongeBob scene where Sandy lifts the house.
SPEAKER_03Uh I can explain. That's all I'm imagining.
SPEAKER_00Wait, what house does she lift? Is it Patrick's?
SPEAKER_03No, it's just like some random citizen house or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, and the guy's on the city.
SPEAKER_03He's like a tricycle with like the little spinning propeller hat. He has a lollipop. He goes, Uh, I can explain. I still am waiting on an explanation. Since like what, 2000, I think that episode, or 1999.
SPEAKER_00I didn't realize that the original creator of SpongeBob only did the first three seasons.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And then I think he, I don't know what I think it was like what they handed it over to somebody, or he died.
SPEAKER_00One of the no, because he died like he died not recent, but fairly recent, like almost maybe 2016 or 17, maybe? Yeah, somewhere around that time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I missed that man. He made SpongeBob Spongebob. Yeah. And then nowadays it's like weird. It's some it's sometimes it's actually pretty good and funny. But other times it's just downright like they're just intentionally trying to be creepy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like Squidward's tiki land is new, right?
SPEAKER_03That that one's not new, new. That one's older. That one's an older episode, but it's got like newer cleaned up animation.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Yeah, it's like, well, come. Two Squidwards Tiki Land. Ooh, uh, ooh, tiki tiki.
SPEAKER_03Alright, so fake blood, I can explain.
SPEAKER_00He responded with actually not yet. Then he laughed, threw his clothes straight into the washing machine, and ordered pizza.
SPEAKER_03Must have been a really heavy murdering.
SPEAKER_00Another week he had glitter in his hair. Then then there was the week he somehow smelled like campfire, smoke, and cinnamon. Why cinnamon?
SPEAKER_03Cinnamon? Yeah. That's like the last thing I would have thought of if like campfire got brought up or something. I would have maybe like uh s'mores. Oh my god. S'mores sound really good right now. They do.
SPEAKER_00Man. How are those connected? I've also noticed that every couple months he'll suddenly have a new random skill. He can suddenly tie 10 different knots. He knows first aid. He learned how to identify local trees. Maybe he's like an adult boy scout.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, an adult killer boy scout.
SPEAKER_00A man scout.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, a man scout. Bro's probably planning for something, but I I'm still convinced this dude's a murderer or something like that. I really am.
SPEAKER_00He's surprisingly good at archery now. None of this helps me small solve the mystery. I want to be clear that I don't think he's cheating. His behavior the rest of the week is completely normal. If anything, he's one of the most transparent people I've ever dated. It's almost like he's protecting a surprise that has somehow lasted for over a year. At this point, it's become this running joke between us, but I'm honestly dying to know. Do I keep respecting the mystery and wait until he's ready to tell me? Or is it reasonable to say we've been together long enough that I think you've earned at least one explanation about the weekly bucket? Oh, bucket. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm kind of uh here's the thing, this can go both ways. Because if she asks and like pries into it, he could kill her at this point. But if she doesn't, she lives, but then it's like she could be like what called an accessory to murder if he ends up being a murderer at this point, which I'm still convinced. Because like she's with him and she's coming home and like they're cleaning the clothes. He orders a pizza after bludgetting someone to death, you know, that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_00There's still a little bit more. There's more? Yeah, she says, Can you guys do one of your famous deep dives and tell me what you think my boyfriend has been secretly doing every Tuesday night? Oh. Because I feel like I've rule ruled out Man, I cannot talk today. Ruled out every normal answer and somehow landed in a place where a medieval reenactment cult sounds plausible. Thanks. And if you solve this before I do, I'll be both impressed and slightly offended.
SPEAKER_03Impressed and slightly offended. Yep. That'd be amazing. What if he was like listening and that's the next like story? Like my girlfriend keeps getting into my business.
SPEAKER_00Like he's like really I go to this thing on Tuesday night that I can't. I can't even tell you guys.
SPEAKER_03Because there's just, I'm sorry, there's too many red flags right there that like he's gonna be on the news one of these days, and it's just gonna be like he's yeah, local uh NPC news today, and we'll discover that a girl on a podcast shared her story today with two randoms named Stephan and Caleb. We go to them live, like and we just reread the whole story. I'm really convinced that this dude's gonna kill him or something.
SPEAKER_00Seriously? I think it's I think I don't believe her.
SPEAKER_03There's no way it's gardening or pottery. Who the heck wears goggles and all this other hiking gear crap over there and then comes back smelling like campfire. You think clay smells like campfire? Heck no. And then even too, like, even if he's going to the pillow fort, none of that's gonna smell or have like fake blood unless they're literally playing like medieval like torture or something like that in there. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but she's obviously not concerned enough though, because she's writing us instead of calling the police.
SPEAKER_03But that's like every, like, it's like every chick in every horror movie, too. Is like they'll run, like if a ghost is in the house, they're like, hello, and they'll check every door instead of like getting out of there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's true. Hello?
SPEAKER_03That's how it is. Like, this is how she is. She's like, hello, like, and then just whatever. Yeah, I'm I'm convinced this dude's doing because okay, after a year, are you kidding me? He's not gonna say anything about what he does on Tuesdays. That's insane. That is insane, and then she's obviously picking up on context clues with stuff like that. Like, yeah, the dude's burying bodies or something like that out there. Uh he's not cooking meth, he's not Jesse. We have to cook. He's not doing any of that. Hey, how do you know? I mean, he could be doing that too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because uh in that show, Skyler didn't know what what's his name? Yeah, Hal. Hal Walter Walter White was doing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that is true. I mean, depending on how fancy these people live, you know, too. Yeah, like we don't know.
SPEAKER_00We need to know all the details.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we need to know certain details because if you're living good and you got a Bentley or something like that, then yeah, he's killing people or making math. Yeah, but if you got like an old Volkswagen beetle or something like that, and you're just at home and like just killing people and not making math. Yeah, he's just yeah, he's just killing people and not making math. That's your only two options there, darling. Yeah. Oh man. So you you're gonna you're convinced that he's a killer? Yep, I'm convinced he's a killer, and we're gonna find out about watch, imagine, we're gonna hear on the news something like that. Like, he literally is a killer.
SPEAKER_00Local Montana man ends up being killer. That would be hilarious.
SPEAKER_03Girlfriend if like we f I mean, obviously not hilarious, but it'd be just in a in a way, like, it'd be kind of cool if like we just talked about it and it actually happened or something like that. And again, not in a cool way, but like in a way of like we knew this was happening.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, can you imagine? It's like on the look for the Tuesday night killer. Yeah, the Tuesday happens every Tuesday night in this area. No one knows where.
SPEAKER_04The lizard lyncher. Like, that's just his killer name is the lizard lyncher.
SPEAKER_00Oh man. Alright, well, you're convinced he's a killer. I don't know if this if this woman is really telling the truth, but that's the advice we get. Either call the cops or or you can be his accomplice or you could spy on him. Like he goes out and you follow him.
SPEAKER_03Or yeah. I don't know. Well, if if ooh, that's another one too. Speaking of like follow him and stuff, if he doesn't like not take his phone, you know, like he has it on him, like don't you share locations?
SPEAKER_00Oh, you could do that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you could see where he's going and then like waiting for it.
SPEAKER_00But if he's a murderer, he's thinking ahead and not having that on.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Well, it depends because if if they do have it on and he's not really thinking anything of it, because she's maybe not as of lately prying into it or anything, like she that's why she's messaging us on the the podcast or whatever. Yeah, then it could be that point where this could be her opportunity to find out, you know what I mean? Yeah, because yeah, that I mean that's what you could do. You could just wait till he leaves for a little bit on a Tuesday and then um just see if you got location on, if you have it on, for him, and then just kind of stalk him a little bit, you know? That's what I would do. But yeah, that that's my final thoughts is he's killing people.
SPEAKER_05Ted Bundy Jr.
SPEAKER_00Ted Bondy Jr. All right, I think it's time for number three, yeah. Hey guys, I need an outside opinion because I genuinely can't tell if I'm overthinking something or if this is actually weird. I've been dating my girlfriend for about eight months and things have been great. But but we spend most week you. We spend most weekends spit went on the mic a little bit. We spend most weekends together. We've met each other's families, and I honestly thought I knew pretty much everything about her. Then I found the tail. Before anyone panics, no a tail? Yeah. T A I L.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know. I I figured tail, but I'm like, I'm kind of curious as to where this is going, because now I already have a feeling of where it's going.
SPEAKER_00I think everybody does at this point. Not attached to an animal, just a foxtail.
SPEAKER_03Furry.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, I feel like if I feel like if it's the fox, you're like furry light. Because like everybody wants to be a fox.
SPEAKER_03It's always a foxtail that indicates you're a furry dude.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it's because they're really one of the only animals with that kind of tail.
SPEAKER_03I guess.
SPEAKER_00Because I can't really imagine being a furry. Well, there's like a wolf.
SPEAKER_03There's people that believe that they're wolves. Like, yeah, I'm a I'm a great wolf, right? Oh. Like they do that kind of crap. Oh, it's so weird. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00Well, you don't have to say sorry. Everybody thinks it's weird.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_00Here's what happened. She asked me to grab a spare blanket from the hall closet while she was making dinner. I opened the closet, moved a couple of boxes around, and there was a clear storage bin on the top shelf. Lid wasn't snapped on all the way, so when I shifted it, it tipped forward. Out slid this huge foxtail. It looked really well kicked cared for, almost like it was something important. It even had a little leather loop attached to it. I just stared at it for a second because what? She walked into the hallway, saw me holding it, and immediately froze, not guilty, not angry, just surprised. She took it from me, smiled kind of awkwardly, put it back in the bin, and said, Oh, you found that. I laughed and asked, Okay, what is it? She said, It's a foxtail. I said, I figured that part out.
SPEAKER_03This guy's a little Captain Obvious.
SPEAKER_00This guy's a little too detailed. We don't need like the the narration of the whole. Then she just said, It's from a long time ago. That was it. I asked what she meant, and she kind of shrugged and said, It's a weird story. Naturally, I asked to hear the weird story. She smiled, kissed my cheek, and said, Maybe someday. Then she changed the subject so smoothly it took me a full minute to realize she had completely dodged the question. Since then, I haven't brought it up much because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. But now I've started noticing little things. She keeps that storage bin on the highest shelf. She never gets rid of it. What is this doing a midget?
SPEAKER_01I can't reach it. I can't reach it.
SPEAKER_03He's gonna have to get his two other midget buddies, like the Keebler elves. Like just stacking her up.
SPEAKER_00One day, while putting laundry away, I noticed she moved it into a different closet. Not hidden exactly, just stored carefully. I finally asked one of her friends if my girlfriend had been into cosplay or theater or something. Her friend laughed and said, Oh, that. Then she immediately covered her mouth and said, Actually, I don't think I'm supposed to explain. Which somehow made this ten times stranger. Now my brain has gone completely off the rails. Was she in some kind of costume group? Did she win it at a fair? Is it from an old Halloween costume? Was she obsessed with foxes as a kid? Is it some kind of sentimental gift? Every explanation I come up with feels reasonable until I remember that everyone who seems to know about it refuses to explain it. Okay, he's still going on. Let me see how long, let me see how much longer we have. Okay, it's not it's not too bad.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00Because I was just getting kind of bored.
SPEAKER_03I was like, I mean, I mean, it is a foxtail that you're finding, so it's like I don't know, because at this point, I I honestly thought too of like after later on, I was like, oh, maybe it's a cosplay or something like that. She's like a VTuber as a fox girl or something like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I just this guy is just like a little too detailed for me to keep interest, but I'm trying. Last weekend I jokingly said, so is today finally the day I learned the foxtail story. She laughed so hard she nearly spilled her drink. Then she looked at me and said, You'll think it's hilarious. I said, try me. She said nope. Then she just smiled. That's the entire conversation. It's become this ongoing mystery in our relationship. For what it's worth, I don't think it's anything bad. She's never acted secretive about anything else. She leaves her phone lying around, tells me where she's going, and is generally one of the most open people I've ever dated. It's literally just the foxtail. I almost don't want to know anymore because the mystery has gotten so much bigger than that. Whatever the actual explanation probably is. So my question is this Ah, we've reached the end.
SPEAKER_03The tail the tail end. The tail end. There we go.
SPEAKER_00Would you oh I have that. Uh hurry. Hurry.
SPEAKER_02Hurry. Hurry. There you go.
SPEAKER_00Would you keep asking until she tells you? Where's my Riz? I forgot to do that the whole episode. I love that one. Or would you leave it alone and wait until she's ready? And more importantly, what possible explanation am I missing that makes an otherwise completely normal adult adult keep a single fluffy foxtail in a storage bin for years while every friend who knows the story refuses to spoil it? Because at this point, I've convinced myself the real answer is either incredibly wholesome or unbelievably embarrassing. And I don't and I honestly can't decide which one would be funnier. The end. The end?
SPEAKER_03No way. I think. Well, actually, how about we start off with you, Kayla? What do you think?
SPEAKER_00Um, maybe it held some how long did he say they were dating for?
SPEAKER_03Did you I think a year? Or oh eight months.
SPEAKER_00Eight months, maybe it's maybe it's something sentimental like her grandpa or someone gave it to her. My grandpa was a fox. A fox hunter. My grandpa was a fox. Yeah, maybe her grandpa was a fox.
SPEAKER_06She was a fairy.
SPEAKER_00And her grandma was a fairy. Exactly. Um, but I don't know, maybe her grandpa traveled the world or something and got it somewhere and gave it to her as a gift. But why would you not want to tell your like somebody about that?
SPEAKER_03Like, I feel like that'd be something like that.
SPEAKER_00That's not really embarrassing, and her friends all know the story. So I don't think it's that.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00Maybe she is just like a cosplay person and it's doesn't know how and she might be one of those like really embarrassed ones that like she's really popular, but doesn't want to like it's like a secret life. Yeah, and she's not ready to share her boy share it with her boyfriend. That is true. Depends on who her boyfriend is. Is her boyfriend a jock who would think it's like dumb? Dumb. Is he a artist? What if he's a fan?
SPEAKER_03Like, no, because that that is a thing. So I used to watch VTubers a lot more, like back when I was like maybe it was like two, three years ago. And some of them, like, obviously they're dating somebody, but like there was one VTuber that their boyfriend or husband or whoever it was, like didn't know that they did this, but it was always while they were gone at work that they would keep streaming or doing whatever. Um, or she would be gone somewhere for like most of the day to just stream for like 10-12 hours, whatever it was. And then they found out, and it like they almost like doxxed them for their like name and stuff, and then like the girl would threaten to break up with him and all this other stuff because she's obviously bringing in a ton of money streaming, yeah, as like a VTuber or as a cosplayer or whatever, and yeah, then it gets really complicated because then you have to take the person to court because they don't want their identity revealed at that point, right? And so then they finally get everything settled, and then they basically come to agreement. It's like, yeah, if you say anything about or dox this person, then you're like you're done. Like you lose, and you can get, I don't know, court prison. I don't know what they do for VTubers at this point.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but aren't VTubers like a cartoon version of them?
SPEAKER_03It is, but like the thing is is okay, there's one VTuber named Cinder, and she's like a hellhound and she's got like a tail and stuff, but she goes to like comic cons and conventions, like, and she has her own booth, and she cosplays as her V tuber, which has like the tail and the ears and whatever else. So they do that kind of thing. So maybe with the five maybe bro's got a VTuber on his hands, maybe bro's got a V tuber on his hands, you're right. You never know, you never know, and then or she's a furry, and that would be the worst option. Actually, actually, I don't know what's worse, VTuber or uh furry at this point. I think a furry would probably be worse.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but VTubers gen usually bring in money, right?
SPEAKER_03They bring in money, but also they don't like wear the stuff 24-7 either.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and they don't actually think they're that animal, right?
SPEAKER_03Right, yeah, no, they don't think they're actually that animal. Like they're you their VTuber persona, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'm a cat girl, or yeah, I'm a whale, or yeah, I'm this.
SPEAKER_03Like, obviously, for for the views and stuff, because there's lonely 40-year-olds out there that are just willing to donate, you know, just be like, please, just say hi to me, mention my name, and then there's like hi, it's like $400.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I can't believe um because I would watch queso videos too, and he Oh, yeah, people pay just to get their name said out loud.
SPEAKER_03You know what's funny is I think I donated like it was oh, I was so stupid. I think I gave him like 50 bucks, like one time for a stream, and he literally was like, hey, you know, everybody thinks Steph in the chat for the 50, you know, and it's like I was like, Yeah, queso said my name. Like it was really cool, and uh yeah, I dude queso's like great. I love queso. What if what if his girl's queso in disguise? You never know. I'm kidding.
SPEAKER_00What if his girl is queso in disguise? Oh my gosh. Oh, that would be insane.
SPEAKER_03That would be great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that would be cool.
SPEAKER_03Oh, discovery of the century right there. Now she's got to be a furry or v tuber, one of the two. Yep. Your pick and your reaction of how you decide of how you find out the news if you find out. Yeah, because there there are some people out there that they don't want to know anybody, is like they don't want anybody to know that they're a VTuber unless it's like they're really close friends. And then if they're a furry and it's really embarrassing, or maybe she was just previously a furry. Because if she's not wearing it around, obviously anymore, it's just in a tub, you know, but she still wants to keep it for other things, it's like, yeah, you're you were a furry, it's whatever, it's embarrassing, like whatever. Yeah, I would still rather be a VTuber over a furry though. 100% because furries smell too, they're disgusting. Yeah, yeah, they are. There was uh actually it was oh god, I I hated it. So there was a JFAX, which is like an anime convention I went to like a few years back, and there were furries there, and they'll wear the whole suit and everything of like their what they call fursona, and oh, they reek. You can smell them from like a mile away, like they almost don't wear deodorant or anything like that. It's disgusting. Yeah, and I'm like, bro, what the heck are you doing in that costume? Like, do you wash that? And then I know a friend that um her name's Jasmine, and she actually makes like furry suits for people, but they pay her like a ton. Like for one like suit, it was like a purple uh dog dragon thing or something. She made like six grand off it. Yeah. Dang, yeah, and then she made another two grand for drawing like pictures, like a painting or whatever. And I'm like, dude, furries though, that's the only thing. They'll pay you. Like, they will. That's the only thing because they want to see their their character or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I wonder where they get the money.
SPEAKER_03Probably loans from the bank. They're just like, I have to have this. Please, I need my fursuit.
SPEAKER_05I need to become the dog dragon. The dog dragon.
SPEAKER_06The American dragon. Yes, he's American dragon. Was that Cartoon Network?
SPEAKER_03No, that was Disney. Oh. Because it was Jake Long, was the guy's name. And then he had the bulldog that talked. And then there was the grandpa who was the master, and he was another dragon. And then the girl that he liked at high school was the ninja that was trying to kill him or something like that. I think it tied in with like the Jackie Chan adventures. I think. I I don't I'm not gonna 100% confirm it, but I think that was an old Disney Channel uh cartoon too. Because Jackie Chan starred as himself, and it was like really weird. It was cool, but it was really weird back in the day.
SPEAKER_04Uh, but yeah, yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_03I think your girl's either a furry or a VTuber. Your pick and how your reaction is, you gotta let us know about that. Yep. Write us back. Absolutely. Well, Caleb, is there anything left to say before we end this podcast and go on with our wonderful night of Animal Crossing?
unknownI'm kidding.
SPEAKER_00That's what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_03That's what I'm probably gonna be doing too. Shoot. I gotta I gotta update some little parts of my town, you know? Get some get rid of snake and get rid of uh Agent S. The two villagers I hate right now in my town.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Total nerd talk. All right, guys, we'll see you uh next time. Bye. Bye, bike, shut up, block your bike.
