#13 Nicknames And Crazy People

What do you do when your significant other calls you cute names in front of family and friends? What happens when you go on a date with an actually crazy person? Or dating a stage five clinger? You write to Digital Fire. The podcast that's been saving relationships or saving people from them for 6 months now. Join Caleb and Stefan this week for weirdo stories. Oh?

Send your stories to Digitalfirepodcast@gmail.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I most certainly am.

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome back, everybody, to the Digital Fire Podcast. Before we start, we have to crack a cold one with the boys.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Ooh, that was like perfect sync. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Caleb, what flavor of Arizona tea do you have today?

SPEAKER_02 0:22

I have Mucho Mango, fruit juice cocktail.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

I have watermelon drift.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

The Hot Wheels one.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

The Hot Wheels one, yeah. I did I tell you that I entered it, but I haven't heard back yet. I don't know if the drawings are like done or if they're obviously still going if they have the Hot Wheels edition. And then I was telling you earlier today, too. I went to the store after like filling up on gas and stuff with the Arizona teas. They were doing the Liberty, like the new flavor Arizona has going on. And I'm like, where is it? And I thought the Mucho Mango one was one, but then I was like, crap, it wasn't it. And I asked uh the register person, I was like, hey, where are the the liberties that is advertised? And they're like, Oh, we haven't gotten our shipment yet. And so I was like, that kind of sucks.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Do you know what flavor they are?

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I don't know what flavor. I think it's like rocket pop or something. It might be something stupid like that. It's like, oh rocket pop.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Yeah, that'd be cool. That would be cool if it was. Like a red, like a popsicle, like the red, white, and blue popsicles. American Arizona tea, I think. Popsicle.

unknown 1:24

Popsicle.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Arizona tea popsicle. Arizona beverages. You know what you need to get is the Rizzler one. I need that on my collection table.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Side note, I have had it before. It's not horrible.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

But it's not that good.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

It's carbonated. And it doesn't even taste like tea if I'm honest with you. Oh, they have my favorite, the black and white tea. And they have, man, they got like a whole assortment pack. Yeah, there's the spicy green tea. Um, Radberry black and white tea. They have that one for the Hot Wheels. Oh, it's coming soon.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

You could probably get a ton of flavors off Arizona.com. I probably could. Order it like a 24-pack.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Or like a why do you read it like Nixon? Order. You're like, oh, you could order it off Arizona tea. Yeah, I am not a crook. I am not a crook. Yeah, I can't. Um I can't remember the the dang uh what is it? It's a statue. Hold on, let me look up Statue of Liber. I was about to say Liber Liber B. Like the one there's a you uh TikTok where a little girl they're driving in New York and they see the statue of Liberty, and she goes, The statue of litter bee. Like I was saying it for some reason. A litter be?

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Like a Liberty B a bee that leaves trash, dude.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Oh wow. It's called Liberty Lemonade. And so obviously it's lemonade flavor. Yeah, it has like the Statue of Liberty or whatever on it. Like or with an American robot.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

That woman has regular skin. That's weird. She's not green, yeah, or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Not green or copper. Yeah. Exclusively at 7 Eleven. Man, they got.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Oh, they would you would just speedway to find it.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Yeah, they're out. Oh my gosh. Yeah, they have whipped pineapple, which is actually not that bad. Whipped? Yeah, whipped pineapple. It's actually really good.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Um is it liquid or is it yeah, it's liquid.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

It's it's like a tea flavor. It's like basically it it just paste it past. It tastes like pineapple. Um really the whipped pineapple flavor tastes like pineapple.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Arizona needs to start sponsoring us, by the way. They do. Because we're talking about them every time.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Dude, when I when I eventually, if I do, go back into streaming or like when I do this podcast stuff with like the scary stories, like I want to do, like I want to get a sponsor by Arizona. I will 100% accept it. I don't even care if it's like a penny per like sponsorship, I'll do it. They also the oh, that's the one I was thinking of. The one that's got like the rocket pop is called the Tropical Chill Chilsicle. And then the Rizzlerberry, Risberry. That one that one is not great at all. Period. Join the club for a hundred dollars. Try new drink flavors and treats for free. Five percent cash back on blossom bucks and all orders, free shipping on all orders. Oh, it's a hundred dollars a year. I thought it was like a hundred dollars a month. I was gonna say that's not that bad. A hundred bucks a year for like free drinks. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

It's still a hundred bucks a year.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

It is, but it's better than dating sites. At least they're not gonna lie to you. Ghost you, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 4:46

They're not gonna be like, um, I gotta go. Girls don't ghost me, I ghost them.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Oh, what a tough boy over here.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah, real tough.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Maybe you're the Rizzler.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Maybe I am.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Maybe they need to make me a Risberry flavor. I can just see your face on a can of Arizona. Doing the doing the Chad Chin thing or whatever. You you put your like you like that. I gotta do it. Goodness.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Guys, put it in for me to get my my face on a can of Arizona.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Yep, do it right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Stop the podcast. Get the petition going. Get a hold of them and tell all your friends.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

All right, Caleb. Well, I think You think it's time? I think it's time that we jump in.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

All right. Here is Number One. Yeah. Yeah. My boyfriend uses our inside jokes and teases in front of people. Hi, my name is Harper. And I've been with my boyfriend. Don't we don't make fun of people's names on this podcast?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I haven't heard the name Harper in a minute. Yeah. Like I think Vanguard was the last time I've ever heard of a Harper.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Did you have a crush on Harper or no? Or was it a dude?

SPEAKER_00 6:11

No, it was a chick. I don't remember. I don't think I had a crush on her. It was Amy that I had a crush on. You remember her?

SPEAKER_02 6:20

You and do not.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I'm not I'm not gonna talk so I'm trying to be good about that.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

I could just hear it coming. I know. I was about it always does.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

It's always the thought of like, oh, it's this person's last name, too.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

What's surprising is I know the last name.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

I do too.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

I almost said it too.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

I was gonna be like, you mean well, you and Eric would like call her to the class. Oh, Stefan's got something to tell you, and I'd be like really quiet because I had a crush on her. I was so embarrassed. I actually did get to dance with her though at the um the school dance or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

You think she thinks about that all the time, or no? No, it's been like 20 years. If I danced with you 20 years ago, I'd still be thinking about it. How does that make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Well, I mean, me and you've also known each other since like what fourth grade? We like knew of each other, and then fifth grade we started hanging out.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

Yeah, I think in fourth grade I knew you as the frog sound.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Oh, yeah, because I had that weird, like brrrrr sound or whatever I could do. Dude, that I tried, I I think it had been so long since I hadn't tried that, like that I just lost the ability to do it. I really that sucks. I know because it was loud. It was legendary. I could have been at the haunt doing that stuff again. You could have you would have been freaking people out. Oh, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Because that it was so unnatural sounding. Anyway, the name Harper to me is like you're either really hot or really not. Yeah, you're right. There's no in there's no in-between for Harper.

unknown 7:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Uh, but she says, I've been with my boyfriend about one year, coming up at the end of this month. We get along very well and we have similar passions. We are both quite ambitious. We also do have some things that we do on our own that the other has no or little interest in. So to me, it feels like a solid balance. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so. One of the things we both have is that we can be sarcastic and even tease each other, mostly in a flirty way. Gotta have fun after all. We have a lot of inside jokes, as do most people, but that's where they should stay between us two. You see, we've had some issues lately of him using these jokes and whatnot in front of friends and family.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

I hope that she says these jokes, because I want to know. I'm kind of curious.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Although they're funny, I always feel like they hit different in front of people. For instance, the other night we were having dinner with my family. I have three other siblings with two being married and kids. It was going great until he used my nickname. And for context, I've always had this little bump on the right side of my forehead, nothing too crazy, but it's there. And he's always found it endearing. Anyway. What? Is it bad? No, I don't think it's that bad. I just it's just catching me off guard. Anyway, he says, hey, bumpy stilt skin.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Can you Bumpy stiltskin? That's crazy. Bro, I would be so upset if somebody did that and I had a bump on my head. That's crazy. I get called Alan at work because we had a kid that was he, dude. Okay, side note about the.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

I'd rather be called Alan than Bumpy Stiltskin.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

I would rather be called Bumpy Stiltskin than Alan. There's so there's a kid that used to work at our store, and his name was obviously Alan for context. Um, he was like 22 and he had a 40-year-old haircut. Like it was like bald on top. Oh no, he had the horseshoe. He had the horseshoe, and then he had like a little few strands like Ed from Ed and Netty, like the three little hairs, and he combed it over all the time. And he didn't never wore a hat or anything like that.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

At that point, I'm shaving it all off and just like going bald.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah, I would rather embrace the baldness and deal with it than sit there with like a 40-year-old horseshoe hang like haircut or something like that. But yeah, I would I was like, dude, I'd rather be called Bumpy Stiltskin all day than like baldy McNose hair or something like that. Bulky McNose.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

And bumpy stiltskin is kind of funny, like it's kind of clever.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

It's not it's not even that bad if you it like because like what you said, it doesn't even sound that bad, it just caught you off guard for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Yeah, I just I when I like read a little ahead and I was like, what is going on? So he she says, anyway, he says, Hey Bumpy Stiltskin, can you pass the green beans? And he says it in front of everyone. When it's just the two of us, I always find this nickname hilarious and even cute. It's like our special thing. Cute? Well, if it's like just between if they're just hanging out with the two of them and he says it to her, I guess, like I can see it kind of being funny, but like in front of people, yeah. I think it always it does kind of hit different sometimes with I guess, unless they don't know about the bump.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Like if she's like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Well, if it's her family, I'm assuming. Yeah. You've gotta know.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Then at the if it's the family and they already know about it, I don't feel like it's that bad.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

But at the same time, it's like okay, if it's like in front of her friends, maybe well maybe because it is kind of like a weird name. So maybe so maybe she's like embarrassed because like now they know, or like what if it's they she's afraid that they're gonna think he's being mean to her. Oh, like that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. So you never know. When it's just the two of us, okay, and even cute, it's like our special thing. For some reason, though, it just feels weird when said in front of others and almost kind of hurts. The room went quiet after he said that, and you could cut the silence with a knife, it was so thick. Whoa, so awkward. Intense. It is intense. They all know that I've always been self-conscious about my forehead bump, and now they all think he's terrible at being a boyfriend, and I just feel so embarrassed.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

I want to see how big this bump is.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

I know.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Well, the thing is, if she said it was like nothing too crazy, so it's like yeah, but people say nothing too crazy all the time, like and then all of a sudden it's like unicorn horn unicorn horn or something like that. Like, whoa! Like he just lifted. It's just like people are like, like, like you could have your hair comb forward and it's like all style, and it's like, oh, it's cool. Like, let's see that hairline, and like somebody else lifts their hair. It's like, oh, that's not bad, that's a decent hairline. You go yours, and it just keeps going back.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Oh man, that would that would suck.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

You're like, is it windy outside? Then why the heck is your hairline clever back?

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Some people, it's crazy. Like they lift their hair out there. Yeah, it's like half of their scalp is just gone. Um, anything on that one? That's not the end of the story, but oh, I thought it was.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

I was like, oh, that's it. Like, get over it.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

She's there's another there's another instance. Do you want me to continue reading?

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Instance number two.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Yeah, another instance that happened a little while ago, but I remember vividly, was when he when we went out on a double date with one of my friends and her boyfriend, he would lightly pinch my face and say, time to eat, or food is ready when they bring the appetizer or meal. All that's missing is the cheek?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Well, she says face, but I'm assuming because I just I thought you said cheek, because I'm like you remember it was like I think the last episode, me and you did, we were like that. You hate that cheek has a double standard meaning now.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah. Alright. And then we would have been confused, like, what?

SPEAKER_00 13:58

And we're like, what cheek? So he he pinches her face and then like denied.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

All that's missing is like the spoon with uh there comes the airplane. He's just gotta when they bring the appetizer or meal, again, when we are at his place or mine, I find this funny, but when out in public, it doesn't feel right. Maybe it's the PDA that I don't like. And for those who don't know, PDA stands for public displays of affection.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

If nobody's heard the terminology or the acronym for personal display of affection of PDA, where are you?

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Yeah, well, there may be someone who listens to our podcast who lives under a rock. Like what if we do have Amish people that sneak out? Amish people? If I were Amish and I could sneak out for one hour a week to listen to some of the stuff, yeah, I'm sure Jebediah would be a good one. If I were Jebediah, my one podcast I was listening to would be digital fire.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

They're building a barn and like just listening to digital spider.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

That'd be funny. Hey, you never know.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Maybe we'll just fan nail for it. Imagine like just some Amish person, just like like they're somehow listening. They're like, I really like these guys, they're really good.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

That would be crazy.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

But so okay, I get the okay, now it's like it always starts off really good too. Like, it starts off like okay, it's like yeah, it's not that bad. And then you get like the one where it's like, okay, like I wouldn't want my girl to be like, well, if I had a girl, please date me. Um like I wouldn't want like my girl, like at a public place to like do something like a nickname thing that's like between us at that point, or do like the pinch that she Yeah, because it's almost demeaning when it's in public. Yeah, it's like belittling, demeaning, and then but if it's like I feel like where she said what it was in front of her family for the first time, yeah, with the name. Yeah, I'm like at that point, it's like okay, the family's gonna have like something because even when she goes to his place, I'm sure like they got some stupid stories or nicknames for him. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I feel like at that point it's fair game, regard I would say, depending on how bad the nickname is. I don't think bumpy stilt skin is that bad in front of your family at that point. There's other things that you could be called that are worse, but yeah, at a restaurant, like on a double date, especially, too. That's kind of crazy. Yeah, is it does it get worse? Uh I don't think I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Maybe. I mean, yeah, I don't you never know.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

We have to find out.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yes, we do have to find out. So keep reading. Of course, my friend and her BF played it off. Cool, but I could tell by their faces that we that they thought we must be some kind of alien couple. Alien couple. Anyway, I have tons of stories like these, but I figured a couple would work well. Am I in the wrong or being hypocritical when I feel this way in public or with friends? Am I fake?

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Hypocritical.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Because like she says that when they're alone, she likes these things. Like it's it's fun. But then like in public, she has a different yeah, she has a different eye, she has feels a different way about it.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

I don't know. I wouldn't even call it hypocritical because to me, hypoc hypocrisy is like where if I were to call you like I don't know, Binky Boy or something like that. Binky boy.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

I'm just trying to think.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Like Binky. Oh my gosh, Arthur Binky Barnes. But like if I called you Binky Boy and it was just obviously like me and you in this podcast right now, with obviously thousands of thousands of fans listening in because we're super popular.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Yeah, we're popular without the Alma show listening.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Exactly. Go on. Um like if I called you that and it was just us two, it's like whatever, it's fine. But then, like, if I call you it in public or whatever, then it's obviously at that point it's stretching it too far.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yeah, like if we're at a restaurant and the waitress or waiter asks for something, you're like, what's it gonna be, Binky Boy?

SPEAKER_01 17:55

That would be that would be like almost demeaning.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

But what will it be, Binky Boy? I thought you were why I saw that in my head as the waiter or waitress calling me Binky Boy, like they knew that would be crazy, that'd be hilarious. But like for for me, the definition of hypocrisy is like, okay, so if I called you that and I had a nickname that you called me, but then like I called you your nickname in public, and then you tried to call me my nickname, and I was like, don't do that. That to me is hypocrisy, not where you like doing it at one place and it's fine, and then out in public it's like not, because in public you still have to be somewhat respectable, I guess is the best word for it. So I don't think she's in the wrong, I just think again, I would have her try to talk to her her guy about it and be like, hey, I'm cool with it when you talk about it and call me it, like when it's just you and I, preferably, but if we're at like my family's or something like that, or your family's, like try not to. I don't care if it slips a little bit here and there, the name or whatever, but excuse me, but if you're we're in public, like we're on a double date, or if we're like on a walk or something, or we're at a restaurant, like refrain from it. Yeah. Because like if I want it to be like a special night for me and my you know, girlfriend or something like that, then it's like I want that to be like intimate, you know what I mean? Yeah, or not like something stupid, unless you're going to like I don't know, somewhere stupid.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Like, I don't know where is somewhere stupid, Idaho.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

I don't know. But that's essentially what I would say.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Yeah, it's a state. That's one that I don't ever think about. Yeah, it's always weird.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

It's or not always the uh potato land.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Yeah, and it's also weird shaped.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah. Ireland is the true potato land, but Idaho is also potato land. It's just the US version of Ireland.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Yeah, yeah. Except for it's completely different landscape.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Completely different part of the country. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure it rains a lot in Ireland and it's nice and sunny in Idaho.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Man, if I had money, I would 100% want to live in Ireland. It's just it's too expensive to live there. That's the only problem with it.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Well, we just need to become billionaires, then get some farm in Ireland and retire there.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Let's just do it today.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Let's become everybody share this podcast. Get us our views and listen. Send us money via send us money. You can do it on the link. Just do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Do it on the link. And now it may come up as suspicious, but don't worry about it. Just click it and send it. Link your credit card.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Send me personally your credit card, social security, all that stuff. You know, I just need it for whatever reason. Whatever now, yeah, whatever reason. Anyway, I or she could kind of play into it with him and then you know, do see what it kind of like, like see how he reacts to it.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

If he's like, I don't like it, then he's the one that's being a hypocrite at that point.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Ooh, turn the tables, turn the tables, or you know, or just to even have fun, like not trying to get revenge at him, but just see how see how it goes. Yeah, see how like everybody thinks of their relationship.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Because I can imagine it'd be kind of fun if you purposely made everybody think that you're just like a weird couple, even the nickname isn't even that bad, but it's not like he's sitting there treating her like a nerd or something, like smacking her in the back of the head and be like, eat up dork. Can you imagine? Dude, I would be appalled if I saw somebody with their girl or their man, like the girl's just sitting there, and like he's got let's just say he's got mashed potatoes, and just boom, right in the back of the head, eat up dork.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Would you Do something about it in public.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

I probably would be like, hey, dude, let's not. All right.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

What if he's I don't care if he's seven foot eight, like Shaq allegedly was, which we were wrong.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Now, if he was Shaq, probably would be like, whoa, I'm just gonna let that happen. But no, I mean, like, I would I would say something. I mean, I've I've said something before, like, with uh like if I'm in a store and like somebody's like, God forbid, couponing, because that's still a thing, and they have like a whole binder of like coupons, and then they're unless that reminds me of my mom. Yeah, and then they're getting like let's just say like there's somebody getting mad or something like that. Not I don't care about the couponer at that point. I really don't, but like if the couponers getting mad at like the cashier for like, why is it taking so long for it to scan these coupons? Like they're all in alphabetical numerical order or whatever, then and they're causing a scene. It's just like, dude, you're the one with a binder of coupons with no life. I don't want to hear it. Like, I have, I've gotten on people about it, and they're like, excuse me, this is none your business. I said, Well, number one, you're holding up the line, and I'm in it, so it is my business. I said, number two, you should think of this more strategically and maybe like do half of your grocery shopping here and do the other half at another time or something like that, because you're literally holding up the line for like 50 other people.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

And then what comes with the coupon books is they just sit there and count their change.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

To get all that tech.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Oh, I should get the you know, I thought I was gonna be paying $2.99, but uh I ended up being a penny short, but then I realized the cashier was at fault because they scanned another coupon that was incorrect. So I actually only had to pay two in ninety-eight. I don't know, something like that. That's the only thing I can think of. True story. Yeah. That was a true story. True story, just like uh oh, I was gonna say trying to think of that one airplane movie where that guy landed the uh it was Tom Hanks that played as um. I think it was called Sully, yeah. I think it was just called Sully. But um, yeah, because it was like the what, the Philadelphia River or something like that? Or Hudson. Why did I say Philadelphia? Why was Philadelphia the first thing?

SPEAKER_01 24:10

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

My brain does not know how to work at times. I swear it's bad.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

But other times it works really well. It does. Maybe that's just like one of the this is just a stretchy thing. It's fun to play with.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Like a it's a noodle.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

It's a noodle.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

But yeah, I I think that's what she should do, is probably just like con I would say confront them, but then also maybe just do a little bit of payback. You know, if you if she's got a nickname for them, try it out in public or try being demeaning like smacking him in the back of the head and call them a dork and eat. That would actually, I'm not gonna lie, I think that'd be kind of funny if the girl did it to a guy. I'm not even gonna lie, but like it'd be also be funny if a guy did it to a chick. As bad as and mean as that sounds, it like not like an actual smack.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

No, yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, it can be a little playful one. Certain contexts where it could be kind of funny, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Like you know, Dork. That's all I can think of. When I hear Dork, I think of what's his name from Doug Funny.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

Oh, I can't think of his name, but he has like the pointing. Skeeter. Skeeter, yeah. It was Skeeter.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Oh man, that was an old show. Patty Mayonnaise. That was the girl he was in love with.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Dude, I had a crush on Patty when I was a kid.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Is that the theme song? Yeah, that was the theme song. I think I wonder how many seasons that last. Because I know they made a movie, and then I think it ended.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

When did they make a movie?

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Like, it was like forever ago. Like it was like basically what they did with Hey Arnold is they made a Hey Arnold movie, and then that's what ended it. Because Helga finally kissed Arnold and then like confessed her love. And then same thing with recess. Recess ended after the movie. It was like summer break, and then it turned into like um summer school or something, and it was a whole CIA project or something in the school. It was so weird.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

I had a phase a while back where I was listening to or watching recess episodes. Man, that show was good. Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

Oh, what was it? King Bob was the guy at the playground. Yep. And he was like what, the fifth graders or sixth graders or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

He was one of them. I think he might have been like sixth.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Because he had the unibrow with the crown and the cape and everything like that.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Yeah, and like, yeah, it was so it was so creative, I thought. Just like the way they what was the fat kid's name?

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Because he could sing like an opera singer and everything, too.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

It's always they always make that person fat because Binky Barnes was ballerina, or he did ballet.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

And then yeah, oh man, what is his name? I'm looking it up right now. Hold on. We're having an intermission here, folks. Let's see. Hurry up, hurry up. All right, right. I'm hurrying up. But yes, girl, do exactly what we said. Confront him and then do like a nickname thing and see and see how it goes. Because then at that point, you can actually confront him on it and be like, okay, so you see how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Yeah, but if he doesn't know that he's being mean, also.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Well, that's what I'm saying is confront him on it. And then if he and then at that point, like if he keeps doing it, then it kind of shows at that point it's like, okay, you see what I mean? Yeah. It's like demean, it's demeaning to me. It's it's showing no respect for my own personal, you know, emotions at that point.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

So you can always find something to make fun of somebody on, so find that thing about them and then come up with a nickname.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Yeah. You know. There was okay. So there was Randall, who was the one with the lunch lady that kept telling on the kids with the note. He had the hunchback.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Oh yeah, yeah, if I remember Randall.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

There was Gretchen uh Grundler, and she was the nerd, the skinny girl. There was Ashley Spinelli. Oh, Spinelli, that's what they called her, and then they found out her name was Ashley.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Yeah, Miss Spinelli always had like that raspy. Yeah, she was like, come on, guys. Guys, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Miss Finster. That was the lunch lady's name.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Oh, yeah. I always think of her as Helga. She's drawn like a Helga.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

And then there's TJ, he was the main character with the red baseball cap. Yep. Gus was the nerd that was from the army. There was Vincent, the black one. Um, and then, yep, King Bob. And then that came out really bad.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Yeah, well, people know what it means.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Yeah, you guys know what it means. I don't mean it in that context. That just came out really bad. So I apologize if anybody got offended by that. Oh, let me see. Principal Prickly. That was really bad. But I mean, like, okay. I don't think it was bad. It just it came off as just kind of funny. It was funny, but it's like, okay, also, too, like, I think these people know, like, we came from an era where it's like you just didn't get offended by anything.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Yeah, you could just say it like it is. You could say like we're never because there's nothing bad about that statement. He was right, he was black.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

I mean, so it's it's not like I'm meaning it like, oh, he was that one. Like, no.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

Um what was the fat guy's name?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Oh, Mikey.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, they're already gonna be mad because you're like, what was the fat one's name?

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Anybody obese listening in is just gonna get offended. What was the fat kid's name? Oh my gosh. Yeah, there were a lot of characters. Oh, and then nobody else that gave Oh, Menlo was another one. He was like another nerd. That's the only one I remember because then everybody else just looks like they're just side piece characters. Miss Lemon. Is that the teacher? That's one of the teachers. But she literally looks like her her face is scrunged up in the in the thing that it actually. Let me see. Like, hold on, where is she? Yeah. Oh you. Yeah, Miss Lemon. The highly efficient no-nonsense secretary to detective Hercules Herkel, I'm assuming. Herkel, yeah. Herkel. Yeah. Did I do that? All right. No, that was Urkel. Urkel. Yeah, Steve. I was saying, no, but it's it's actually Herkel. On recess? Yeah, on Recess, yeah. That's where I was like, did I do that? Because it was like Urkel. That's funny. That's really funny. Oh my gosh. All right. So we're on now.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

That's another character is Steve Urkel. Anyway. Gosh.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

We're on. Number two. Yeah. Oh, side note. Before we start, number two. Steve Urkel, Jaleel White, was the very first voice actor for Sonic the Hedgehog. Did you know that? Was he really? He was yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog's first official voice for Disney, Sonic Sat AM and Sonic Underground. Yeah, he actually voiced all three hedgehogs.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Hog did he do a good job?

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Obviously. He's like one of the more well-known uh Sonic voice actors.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Don't have to look it up after this. Yeah, he voiced. And we really will.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, we really will. Uh he voiced Sonic, Sonia, and Manic were the two other hedgehogs. Part of the royal family. Yeah, that was really like, excuse me. Uh that was like really a long time ago. And they didn't even finish the season either for like all three, I think. I except for the adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, because that was on Disney. So of course, being Disney, they're gonna finish their stuff, they're not gonna just leave it at a climax.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Yeah, that's true. It's never ending.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

All right. Why does my girlfriend feel the need to call every five minutes? Okay, it's not really every five minutes, but it's enough for me to start it off strong and then just folded immediately.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

Okay, it's really not, but you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

But it's enough for me to think about it and enough for me to be writing into a podcast. We've only been dating for about six months with a little friendship before that. We met at our apartment complex while we were both walking around. She lives on the opposite end, so it's nice because we aren't right next door to each other. Although she may want that, lol. Anyway, she's a was that a laugh. It was. Okay. It was a little snuffle. Anyway, she's a fun person, but I'll be out with my friends and I'll get a call. She knows I'm with them. I have let her know. So the first couple times I would answer, and she would just want to know how things are going with my friends and I. Not where are you? OMG, something bad happened, your grandma fell down the stairs. None of that. Just hey, wanted to say hi. And the other day, even when, even, and the other day, even I was out on a long, sometimes people write weird.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

No, I know.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Was out on a long bike ride. Like the one I told her I was going on. It's about three days long, so I camp along parts of the trail. Oh, I was like a three-day bike ride.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

This guy's just going for it. Like, dang. His calves are gonna have like six packs at that point.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Dude, that would be insane.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

That would be I want that. You know what's funny is when I weighed 305, like my calves are probably the only muscular part of my body right now. It's just because it was carrying all the weight. So, like people would sit there too. Like, when I lost like over 80 pounds, I was sitting there and I would like, they'd be like, Yeah, what are your what's your leg game look like? And I'd lift like my shorts or pants or whatever and show them my calves. They're like, dang! And they're like, all right, tense it up. And then you just saw like the calf, the calf itself, and it was muscular.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

Did you have calves or full blow full grown cows? Because a calf is a calf is a baby.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Yeah, where are you going with it? I was like, what the heck? So they were still just baby cows. Yeah, they were still baby cows, but then now they're like really good looking. They're like full ground beef.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Oh, so a dead cow.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

They're medium rare, at least. Woo! Not rare. Uh medium, uh, what was it? Well done. Is like the in between between well done and me medium or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Uh well done.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

There's there's rare, there's raw, rare, medium, well done, and then what's I feel like there's another one, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 34:28

After well done, probably just burnt.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Char.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Well, because there's like rare, then there's medium rare, then there's medium well, then there's well done.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

I remember when we used to get the steak, I you order it medium rare, and it's like Oh, yeah, it's just not the same as like a medium. Yeah, it it does. I don't know. Some people really like that, but for me it was like mega bathroom problems the next day.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

Goodness.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

It's about three days long, so I camp along parts of the trail. It's my getaway to just really clear my mind of things, and yet again I get a call. And it's asking about the same thing. Hey, just wanted to know how your bike ride is going. I've told her she doesn't need to call me all the time and see how I'm doing, but she always wants to. I find it really sweet that she wants to talk, but it's a bit clingy. What should I do? So a little shorter than the last one, but that's okay. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

No, no, it's not that is the thing. I mean, because I relate to this guy. Because I had actually all three that were like this that wanted to call every two seconds. So I relate to this, and I can tell him is that you need to this is how I solved it. And I know this is like the solution for like 90% of like some of the stuff that we talk about, but like you sit down with the person and be like, look, here's the thing. If I'm telling you I'm going somewhere, like if I'm going to the movies or if I'm going to hang out with some friends, like at least for the first day, like okay, I would say depending on how far you travel. Like, so for me, when we were going to Grayling, Michigan to like go canoeing and stuff like that and camping, like I had, yeah, like the girl I had at the time, she and I would like text and she was like, just let me know when you get there. And then she would like, I'd be like, All right, I'm here. And then she would call me later and be like, Hey, are you are you good? Like, how's everything going? Setting up, just wanted to just verify that you're actually like good and not just getting a text message, you know, whatever. But then it got to a point where even after it was like the second day, she goes, Hey, how's it going? And then so I had to wait till I got back, and I was like, Hey, so I appreciate you wanting to check up on me and see what I'm up to.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

But you don't need to, but you need to shut up.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

But I'm like, I I just told her I was like, if something is going on or whatever, then I will let you know. But it comes down to a point where I need to have my own space, and there's nothing wrong if you want to check up on me every now and again, but not every five minutes or whatever, 10 minutes, whatever it was.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

You could do that, or like when you're out with your friends, you could just block them and then unblock them and you get back.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

That'd be kind of cruel. Uh yeah, you could do that method too, or just put it on do not disturb. Yeah, because even I had to do that at one time where I put my phone on do not disturb because I was like, dude, the text messages coming through are crazy. And then the next morning I'd have like 15 messages from them, just be like, Wow, you're ignoring me, blah blah. And then it's like, what the heck?

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Um women are crazy these days.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Some of them are not not all of them, but some of them are 100% are on. I'm just kidding. All women, as soon as they're born, as soon as they're born and they're on the phone with their future boyfriend, be like, Where are you?

SPEAKER_02 38:12

That's how that's they come out and they're like, they need to be taught that as soon as they enter the world.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Right.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

This is how you use the phone. This is how you talk to boyfriends.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

I know even my sister had a problem with one of her boyfriends, too, I think at one point. I forget which one. It wasn't Ethan, and it wasn't um, it wasn't Caleb. But it I'm trying to think of what one.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

I think it's which Caleb is a different Caleb than me, just so everybody's in the same way.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

And same thing with Ethan. It's none of the Ethens that were mentioned, like his brother or the mutual friend. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a different Ethan, different Caleb. Um, I think it was a guy named Matt or something. Um, he was very like clingy and there's another, it's like what do you call it? Clingy and over, I don't know, maybe overprotective is the word for it, but maybe not. There's some other word. But he would be like calling her every five minutes, or like she would be like, Hey, I'm gonna go out with some girls to I don't know, go to Florida or something like that, you know, just for like a beach trip or something. And he goes, Okay, cool, have fun. And not even before they landed, he was like calling, and then like she was in airplane mode, obviously, because they're on the plane, and then as soon as she lands, like she takes it off, and then he's like calling her non-stop, and she's like, Where like she goes, Why are you why did you call? Like, did something happen? He goes, No, I just wanted to know how everything was going and everything. Why didn't you text back? And she literally just for the rest of vacation said, I'm just putting you on do not disturb. She told him that, yeah, she did, and then like he was on do not disturb until like she got back, and then she said, If it's an emergency, I'll contact you and take you off. But until then, like I'm taking you on do not disturb. So there's that if you want to be really harsh about it, depending on how like because what they've been together for six months, yeah, or you just need to break up.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Sorry, dang. But well, it's some people are clingy. If it is too clingy like that, then yeah, then it there needs to be like, yeah, well, I mean, if it like never stops, like some people are just more clingy, they need to be with somebody who wants somebody to be clingy. Some people like the cling.

SPEAKER_00 40:16

I don't like I don't how are you personally with clinginess, like when it comes to like the girls you've dated?

SPEAKER_02 40:22

I need to talk with her on the phone all day as soon as I get away. No, um I would say when I was younger, I would I think I was a little bit more clingy just because I didn't know. But now I would say if we're not hanging out, I don't need to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

Like I don't want to I don't want to have texting conversations. I got stuff to do, you know. I I live on my own, I gotta, I gotta cook, I gotta clean, gotta do the laundry.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

Or I just want to have a me day.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Or just a me day.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:55

Yeah, and it's like if we're not hanging out, what's the point of sitting there texting back and forth? Like I'd rather you be here.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Right. It's it's at least more personal at that point.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Um what about you?

SPEAKER_02 41:07

You do you like the do you like the cling or are you?

SPEAKER_00 41:10

I like it to a certain extent. It's more of so my thing is more physical touch when it comes to stuff. I know you don't believe in the love languages, but but I believe at least it maybe it's not called love language, but like for me to show like that you want to be part of my life and around is I will do physical touch. So whether that's like hugging or like the head on the shoulder, or even like in this case, like being slightly clingy, like that's fine. But if you're clingy, like one of my exes were, like my very first one, where she, oh my gosh, I was being nice to a cashier at Walgreens, and she goes, Oh, thank you, have a great day. And I was like, Yeah, you too, thank you. I you know, I really like uh you know what you guys are doing with I don't know, like the the free shots to promote like Red Nose Day, what they had. And she was like, You were friendly with her, and I'm like, Okay, dude, relax. It's called common courtesy, yeah. Like there, yeah, and she was very like jealous. Like she goes, I wanted to rip her throat out, and I'm like, Oh my god, like so. There's clean, there's good clingy, and then there's bad clingy. Yeah, I would say in public, like I don't mind if you know we want to hold hands or something like that, or just like a kiss on the cheek or something.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

That's normal. That's not that's not like clingy, clingy is like they need to be around you or they need to hear from you 24 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Yeah. Well, like what I used to do too is like uh, so I mean, obviously, one ex of mine, like we used to like text each other goodnight some nights, but like we also had that balance of like, okay, if I didn't respond to a text message after a certain time, it was because I was asleep or busy doing something else.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

So we established that, but that was like after six months. So because I was like, okay, maybe for the first month or two, it's fine because it's like you're still getting to know the person and maybe you really like them and you're waiting for them to make the next move. But then after, then yeah, there's there's I think a limit of when clingy becomes a little bit too much.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

Maybe he should just go on this bike ride and never come back. Like Ethan with the Appalachian mouth. Yeah, Ethan's gonna be a mountain man. Yeah, what if he just never comes back? We never hear from him again.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

And then, like, if you guys want to see me, you gotta come to this summit. And then Armageddon happens, and then we're just running randomly because like there's no way to get into like a car or something, and then Ethan's like, Come here, and we're just like, Who are you? And then he goes, You guys don't remember me? He comes emerges out of the shadow, and it's Ethan just with a thicker beard, and he's like all muscular, like he's just been sitting there chilling, building muscle. He goes, Yeah, guys, follow me and my cat. They won't be able to track us down.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

Hey, that would that could happen. And then he just gives us like pancakes of butter. Pancakes of butter or pancakes and butter.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Pancakes and butter.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Pancakes with butter or whatever. Butter.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

That sounds amazing. But also butter pancakes sound amazing.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Yeah, the lumberjack style.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

Yeah. Woo! Alright. You ready for number three? Yay! I matched with Nina at one in the morning while standing in my kitchen eating shredded cheese out of the bag.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

Hold on. We're eating shredded cheese out of a bag?

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Yeah, you've never done that. No. I'm not gonna say I do it frequently, but I've been there.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

There's gonna be okay. This is probably you've been there. No, not to that point. It's it's been to a okay. I'm gonna, it's probably gonna be very contradicting here with some people. But what I do is I call it a poor man's pizza. And what it is is you take like whole or white bread, and then you what you do is you lay like the two pieces, and then you put the shredded cheese on the bread, and then you put your pepperoni, and then you put a little bit more cheese on top so it gets all mushy or whatever, like the stringy cheese, and then you microwave it for like a minute, minute and a half, depending on whatever you want to do with it, and then you can either make it into a sandwich or you can just have too many pizzas, and it's like a poor man's pizza. But I'm not gonna eat shredded cheese out of the bag like a Mongolian or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

Dude, you got to.

SPEAKER_00 45:39

Yeah, do I?

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Yeah, shredded cheese out of the bag, Stefan, is not good.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

What shredded cheese are we talking? Like, are we talking Kobe Jack? Are we talking like Pepper Jack? What difference does it make?

SPEAKER_02 45:51

I don't know. If it's pepper jack, is that like somehow one step ahead of the actually?

SPEAKER_00 45:55

Yes, because it's it's like it's got a kick to it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 45:59

It does have a kick, it's nice.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

It's not like it's shredded mild cheddar or American or whatever, Swiss. Well, Swiss cheese also has like a kind of a unique flavor to it, too. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

So there's a and it has holes in it for mice to live there. Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

Wow, classic Tom and Jerry movement.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Um, he does not tell us what kind of cheese he was eating out of the bag, but he does say her dating profile said former child magician, bad at boundaries, looking for a man who stays calm during emergencies. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Sounds like a keeper.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:39

That should have scared me off immediately. Instead, I saw her pictures and forgot how red flags worked. Nino was unbelievably hot. Leather jacket, silver rings, sharp eyeliner, the kind of woman who looked like she either played bass in an indie band or knew how to remove a curse. Wow. We met at a tiki bar downtown because she said regular bars had hostile energy. She showed up 20 minutes late. That's already too much for me. Carrying a tiny backpack with a taxidermy squirrel sticking out of it.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

So this is another pigeon girl thing.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Yeah. Except for this one. Was it wasn't the pigeon alive?

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Oh, yeah, it was. It was in a shoebox.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

I was like, okay, so this is like another step. He didn't say how late she showed up. It was just she showed up late.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

No, she he said she showed up 20 minutes late.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Oh, I don't I don't know why I didn't hear that part. I just thought it was like, oh, she showed up late. And I was like, what? I must have zoned out or something. I didn't hear that 20 minutes part for some reason.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

Yeah, it's she showed up 20 minutes late carrying a tiny backpack with a taxidermy scroll sticking out of it.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

Now if there were updates like, oh, traffic's really bad, like I'm almost there, kind of thing. Like that'd be different. But if you have no communication and you're just like, oh, I'm sitting here at a bar 20 minutes late, I'm like thinking, oh, you're ghosting me at this point.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Yeah, I don't, I might have leave. I might leave.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

I would leave after 10 minutes, if I'm honest. There's no communication. Yeah, if there's no communication after 10 minutes, like I don't care if you're just like, oh, hi, hi, sorry, I just got here. It's like too late. Tough luck. Yeah, tough luck. Better bar, better get here 10 minutes late for the next one. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

Oh, she said when she noticed me staring. This is Professor Squeaks. He gets anxious in cars.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

He's dead.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

Yeah, but she if she's crazy, she might not. Yeah. She might not think that's definitely.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

Yeah, you're right. You never know.

SPEAKER_02 48:33

Plus, like, may I remind us? The little chewy. The little chewbacco. Oh my gosh. I laughed. She didn't. That was probably my first warning sign. The whole date felt like being interviewed by a beautiful, insane person. Somehow she knew I used to play trumpet in middle school. You have trumpet posture, she explained. What does that even mean? You carry emotional embarrassment in your shoulders. Honestly, fair. At one point she brushed lint off my hoodie sleeve, stared at it for a second, then slipped into her purse. Oh, slipped it into her purse. I was like.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

Slipped the whole hoodie in the purse.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

No, the lint. I should have left. Instead, I kept thinking, yeah, but she's really hot.

SPEAKER_00 49:23

Oh, of course. She told me. Guy thinking with the wrong brain.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

With the wrong head.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

And there.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

I think we all have. I think all men can agree that we have all thought with the wrong head.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Yeah, but life gets better when you actually think correctly. Think correctly. And don't just go like, oh, she's really hot, even though she's terrible.

SPEAKER_00 49:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:43

She told me Marashino cherries. Marashino cherries. What made her made her hear colors louder.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

So she's on an acid trip on this date, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

Maybe. She admitted she once bit a guy at an escape escape room because he had bad cop vibes.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

I would have dude. 20 minutes late, she's bringing a taxidermy squirrel.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Not just any, Mr. Squeaks. Mr. Professor Squeaks, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 50:16

You're right.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Let me see.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

You know what I can imagine? You remember the Emperor's New Groove with Kronk? Here's like the squirrel club where it's like, ah, squeakity squeak. Squeakity squeak. Squeaker, squeak. Like I can just picture that. Like she's like all dressed up in like the scout uniform and everything, too. And then yeah, she talks about biting a dude.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Yeah, in an escape room because he had bad cop energy or bad cop vibes. Yeah. Like that's if it wasn't just a regular old taxidermy squirrel, I would be freaked out. But the fact that it's Professor Squeaks gives you hope. Gives her a coup a couple points.

SPEAKER_00 50:57

Oh, but she's hot.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Yeah, but she's hot. Near the end of dinner, she leaned forward and said, You're the third Derek. I laughed nervously. Like the third Derek you dated? No. She said calmly.

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Ooh, calmly? This is the same energy as like the Harry Potter books. It's like, it's this, Did you put your name in the Goblin of Fire? said Dumbledore calmly. And then you go to the movie and it's like, did you put your name in the goblin of fire?

SPEAKER_02 51:29

I wonder why they would change that detail.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

It's funny though, because when you it's like when you think about it, it's like, okay, when you see the movie before reading the book, it's like, okay, it's intense because like obviously it's not supposed to do that. But then you sit there and you see the book and how it's supposed to be read. Did you put like that? Oh my gosh. That's the same vibe it gave me right there. That's terrifying. I would have left a while ago. I think this I think as soon as Mr. Squeakers came into the picture, I'd be like, Yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Yeah, I'm out of here. I'm out of here. No, she said calmly. The third Derek. Then she stole one of my fries. Afterward, I couldn't stop thinking about her, which annoyed me because every survival instinct I had was screaming. So instead of asking my friends, who would have just said, Bro, who cares? I emailed this dating advice podcast.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

I I feel like the red flags were there. You're just choosing to ignore it because she's hot, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 52:31

And then he ends it with not really a question, but I was sitting in my car outside Walgreens eating gummy worms.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

Walgreens. We were just talking about Walgreens.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

Then my phone buzzed. A text from Nice Nina. Your smoke detector battery is low. I froze. What? I had never told her where I lived. That's how it ends. There's no question, but I can assume what he wants us to wants us to say.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

Yeah, freaking now.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Or Professor Squeaks.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Or Prof yeah, Professor Squeaks killed him. The cops are there. It's like, we have remnants of squirrel here. It's been dead for a while. Must be taxidermied.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

You think it was the professor?

SPEAKER_00 53:21

Yeah, you think it was the professor. No, no, no, no. That's too obvious. Oh man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:27

I mean, if she if she's hot, he should just keep going with 100%.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

That's exactly what he should do. Just skip everything else mental about this chick and just go for it because she's hot.

SPEAKER_02 53:38

I don't know. I also feel like she's trying too hard to be creepy.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Maybe she wasn't even interested in like the date in the first place. And so she's like, I'm gonna turn this guy off so that way it's like I don't have to do this because maybe Yeah, but why not just ghost them then? I don't know. I feel like I mean, yeah, I yeah, it probably would in this case it'd be better to be ghosted than deal with creepy McGee over here.

SPEAKER_02 53:59

I think she's just trying too hard. You ever see those nerds that are like trying too hard to be nerds? Oh yeah, they'll not wake up, nerd. Yeah, they're not actual like nerd, they're but then you see like like a real nerd smells, yeah.

unknown 54:13

They do.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

Oh my gosh, I can't tell you. You you obviously know like I've I've been to Super Smash Brothers like tournaments and stuff, yeah. And I'll tell you this much personal hygiene is like the best thing, and it sucks that most of the players or the fans of Super Smash Brothers, and I'm sure probably some of our listeners can agree that are Smash Brothers players. When you go to an actual tournament, they smell bad. It's so it smells like a barn, if not worse, of just nothing but manure. It is never been to one, it is horrible. And the last one I went to, it was I dude, I was like, I don't even want to, I'll just watch. But and then until like the stench just really just kicked it. I was like, dude, how do you not know about deodorant at this point? Like it is, and I'm not even exaggerating, it's that bad. It's in it's crazy how like the fans of like certain things they just don't bathe or they don't like you know you know sm lift the arm and smell the armpit and aren't like whoo.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

I wonder why that is. Like, why are gamers just meant known for some I mean like I think I mean like I know some of them obviously shower, but it's a stereotype that gamers just don't. And I I just want to know why. Because whenever I was heavy into gaming, I still showered.

SPEAKER_00 55:42

Yeah, I dude, I shower once or twice a day. I'm like, cause it depends obviously on the work. So if it's like I'm just like chilling for the weekend or something like that, and I'm not really doing anything, I'll shower once and that's right when I get up in the morning. Now, if it's hot out, I'll do it at night before I go to bed because it actually cools me down and I fall asleep a lot quicker. But then, like, if it's like I just got back home from work and I'm like sweaty and everything from the warehouse, then yeah, I'm definitely showering the minute I get home. Cause I hate smelling. I do. I would rather smell I would rather feel clean and know that I'm clean than like be a Smash Brothers fan and smell like manure. Cause it's crazy how much body order like those people can just produce. Because it is, they they just like because some of them just sit in the basement all day, or they just sit in their house and just order, you know, DoorDash. Because they're like, I gotta, I gotta mean a Pikachu, you know, and like you know, I gotta mean Captain Falcon or Donkey Kong, you know, I gotta be uh zero for the tournament. And like the tournament's like a winning 50 bucks.

SPEAKER_02 56:51

Okay, how is this helping this guy?

SPEAKER_00 56:57

Like, well, I mean, again, it's obvious that the red flags were there, yeah, yeah. But like, if she here's my thing. Now, imagine it's like we just never hear from this guy again, like in the future, like she actually killed him or something like that. But like that would be insane. That would be insane. That'd be kind of crazy. But my thing is is the red flags were there from the very beginning. And it all started with the 20 minutes being late.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

I don't know why Homeboy didn't put two and two together and be like, hey, she's 20 minutes late. And again, after 10 minutes of no communication, I would have left. And then just if she gets there, be like, oh, sorry, I just it's not gonna work out because you were like 10 minutes late. If you want to try again and actually be on time, then maybe see where it goes from there. But after that, I'm not giving a third times the try. Or what is it? Third times the charm. Yeah, I'm not giving it that at that point. If you if you mess up again and I give you a second chance, you're not getting a third. You're not you're wasting my time at that point. But then also again, the taxidermy squirrel and then biting a cop because he got bad cop vibes and all this other.

SPEAKER_02 58:01

Well, I don't I don't know if he was a cop, but she bites some guy in an escape room because he gave bad cop vibes. It probably but uh what if that story just made up?

SPEAKER_00 58:10

Because you can't just bite people at escape rooms and right without some kind of lawsuit or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there'd be some type of charge. Oh yeah, assault and battery, maybe. Yeah, assault, something.

SPEAKER_00 58:23

But yeah, I mean, the red flags were there, my guy. Like, I would have left from the very get-go about being late, because then you would have saved yourself the trouble at that point, you know what I mean? Yeah, he he would have, he wouldn't have he wouldn't have to deal with Mr. Squeakers, he wouldn't have to deal with all the other crazy stuff and her collecting lint, you know what I mean? And then also she I forgot about the lint. She wouldn't have left, uh, she wouldn't have been like, oh, well, your smoke detector's like low or your smoke smoke detector's off or whatever excuse that she said. So yeah, don't just because they're hot doesn't give them a pass to be like, oh, I'm crazy mentally, so yeah. It's like good lord, like, and obviously you don't want to date a fat chick. I'm kidding. You know what I mean, but it's like don't judge a book by its code. I had to say something stupid.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

Oh, that was perfect.

SPEAKER_00 59:27

Yeah, so just just like really do more research and talk to this person a little bit more next time you try to go on a date. And then again, honestly, heed it, heed this when I'm telling you. If there's no communication within 10 minutes of wherever you're planning on meeting them, and it's been 10 minutes, just leave. Doesn't now here's my only thing. I know I said earlier, like it would be where okay, if they're if you were leaving in like the 10 minutes or whatever, and they just walk in the door at that 10 minute mark. You remember it was like the the sushi joint, what was it called? Sak Sakura's that uh yeah, that we went to, yeah. Yeah, and it was like what we didn't get food or anything for over an hour and a half, yeah, and we were at that point, and we were at that point where it was like, okay, they got five more minutes, and then if we don't get like food or anything like that, like we're out. Yeah, because it took forever just to get a water even. Yeah, so yeah, at that point, I'm I would leave, they're not gonna get my service, you know. I'm not so yeah, just do that for your next date, but definitely leave this one. But if creepy crap like the smoke alarm happens again with her and she keeps texting or breaks into your place or whatever, yeah, then then it's time to like either move or you like I don't know, call the cops. Yeah, all that stuff. Yeah, get a restraining order or something, bruh.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:53

Yeah. All right. I think that concludes this this wonderful episode. Yes, it does. All right, everybody. Remember that you can send voicemail or fan mail. Please do. Yes, it's the on in the link in the description, no matter where you're listening. Uh, you can either send us fan mail for fun or just do it to get your story in. Uh, you can also send on the digitalfire podcast at gmail.com. All right. Thank you, everybody listen for listening. Shut up. Bye. Love you. Bye.